Carrie N 3 Chicks The BLOG

Starting a New Life At 40

I don’t know whether to laugh, shout for joy, cry, run for cover or just hide. Starting over at 40 is a big deal. Starting over at any age is a big deal. If one had financial ruin, starting over at 30 would be better than 60 I suppose. Starting over in relationships and life as you know it at 40 is a bit scary. Okay, I admit it. It is VERY, VERY scary.

My marriage is all but over. All we need is a couple court dates. Looks like that is not until 2011. I’ve let it go. God has a better plan, he promised that, just didn’t share what it is yet. History hurts. The future is wide open.

I have my Chicks. I am so glad for that. They don’t want to divorce me. They tell me often, how great I am, how blessed they are to have me as MomMom. I’m more blessed by them I think.

I have wisdom (some at least). I got a GW award this week. That is a Godly Wisdom award. I didn’t think I’d earned it until I recounted the story of an interchange between Meghan and myself. I do listen to God’s word! Not on my own though. Trust me when I say I’ve searched for a long time to have even one wise thing to say or do.

I have my health? Pain, Pain, Pain. Thank God, literally, for cortisone shots. They have kept me waking, nodding and at least not crying all the time. I have a staff of docs and surgeons keeping me among the moving. I’m very glad for that.

I have my house. Love my house! Plan to share my house! Want to use my house for God’s gory, after all- it is HIS house! We’ve done some little projects to make it more homey for the Chicks and me. Dakota now has his own rock even.

I have my business. Silpada Jewelry Business. I started this past week. I hope to make some connections and friends and sell a great product. I can use my organization skills, my party skills (from catering and entertaining) and my joy to give us a little extra and get that emergency fund, life insurance etc.

I have my friends. When God put us here over 4 years ago, I had no idea the circles of friends he would put us into. I have a group of people surrounding me who are amazing. Every one of them cares and helps in his or her special way. It feels so great. I know this is just a speck of what Heaven will be like!

I have my God. He is so good. God has shown me day after day after day that HE is in control of my life. He is blessing me in so many ways. I feel privileged to be called his child. It is the first time in my Christian life that I answer only to HIM. I am deliberately trying to not mess this up. I don’t want to be out from under his Glory at any time.

I have to say good bye. Good bye to Mr. Nelson. Good bye to someone I thought was a forever friend and confidant. Good bye to Mrs. Nelson. Good bye to the Crowe’s, the Nelson’s and the Navarette’s. Good bye to furniture saved for and picked out together. Good bye to photo albums that just make me cry. Good bye to dreams of retirement together and building a ministry of helping others on the savings. Good bye to a co-parent. Good bye to the warm body that could drive out the chill on the coldest nights. Good bye to someone who knew me as well as my own parents. Maybe not- I think that was part of the problem.

Hello new life. I hope we get along well. Meet my friend Jesus. He’s coming too.

From winter blizzard to lawn care in 2 days

Well, you guessed by my title I am blogging about my favorite topic 2nd only to technology, the weather. Douglas county closed all schools early Friday because 6 inches of snow fell in a matter of less than 90 minutes. The temp dropped to 32 and by 12:30- when I was out in it, and it got slipperier than the language of a former US President under impeachment proceedings! The carniage on the roads was widespread. Today, I mowed the grass!! God is so good! As much as we desire to control God, we also want to predict his nature and what he's ordained for our future Even the wind and the rain continue to perplex us on a daily basis. That leads me to reflect on our newly started and quickly completed sermon on Haggai. God is in control. God does care. God has a plan. God is with you ( and me ). From THIS day on, He forgives me and loves me. The weather is just a bonus. Bubba's Big Brother. Forgive my spelling and gramatical errors. My MBP went to Apple today for it's last repair on my watch. A new, smaller, lighter and hopefully more reliable version has been ordered. I have a couple parents I am now indebted to but whom better?? Live. Love. Life. In Jesus. C

Until Daeath Do Us Part

I read an article in Christianity Today that basically reinvents the meaning of marriage fidelity to some morphed, unrecognized definition that God never intended. It is as if the author was manufacturing a broad new meaning of honor in a marriage. According to this guy one can break your marriage vow for Emotional Abandonment! Outrageous!

Thankfully I sent it to a Godly friend I trust and esteem who is in the field of Pastoral Ministry and in seminary. He thought the article was more suited for the bottom of a bird cage than in the hands of someone contemplating divorce Unfortunately that's where I got it- from someone who later filed for divorce.

I was thankful that my esteemed friend, I'll call him The Good Guy, sent back his comments and a link to John Piper's response.  Now armed with truth and not just a bag o' horse poop, I went to the Lord in prayer. It was 1 o'colock in the morning and tears streamed down my face praying for The Bad Guy and the villain in my life. I needed God's blessings and The Bad Guy just needs God. The villain I have given to the Lord to do as he sees fit.

I continued reading all of JP's articles on marriage, divorce and remarriage. It made me think long and hard about my circumstances. I don't want to be alone with no Good Guy in my life forever. I'm not sure what God wants me to do. Crying to Him and seeking Him is a good start and my prayers couldn't get any more specific.

I spent some time on groundwire.net last night for about an hour. I had a really tough chat. A young woman was seeking help for cutting. She cut because she couldn't cry out the pain of having been raped. Thankfully early in the conversation I prayed with her and was able to release the anxiety of the moment to hurt herself. Meghan came home right at the tail end and wanted to know about the chat's topic. I told her that the person was going through something just awful and I was helping her to healing through God's scriptures. Meg pressed me more. No, this would give her nightmares to know the topic. She pressed again saying it couldn't be as bad as what she was going through. Ah, a teaching moment!! I told her. Her mouth agape she left the room, commenting over her shoulder that she never thought it could be worse and my chatter's life was not only worse but unimaginable. Lesson learned I think! I want God to use this to touch Meg.

Kate had a much better day. There was no arguing with me, well not much. I did have 3 energy drains while driving and had to pull off the road so we'd be safe. :). I didn't put a second coat of paint on my new cabinet my dad built yet. I was just too tired but did clean up all the sawdust and organized wood. Time to start another day.

Pray for God's blessings and peace for TODAY!

C

Jesus is Risen

Here I am. Easter Sunday. It will be a very different day this year. I’ve been praying for all the estranged spouses. What a hard time. We celebrate the life of Jesus, the death of sin, the destruction of Satan’s grip on us. Yet, we are living with the consequences of man’s sin and free will. My prayers are pretty specific right now. I want every spouse that has turned for God and his word to be literally ripped back into Him. Oh, Papa, let the draw be amazing and irresistible. My little Meghan (12!) is at FBC right now playing for the sunrise service. She is getting so big. I am blessed to have her as a daughter. Kate is struggling so much the past few days. I pray God can giver her some peace. She needs it. Lizzard is picking up some bad habits. I am trying to squash them as soon as they rear their ugly heads. I was moving around too much yesterday. My knee started throbbing and I know it was very swollen. I rested most of the afternoon and evening. Mom made us spaghetti last night. It was really good. It is so nice to have them around. They are so good with the girls too. ALl Mr. N’s complaining that they are missing out and they are selfish had to have been seen through his “me first” glasses. I read Gina’s blog. I am so happy for them and their family. I feel blessed just knowing them! Praying they can bring Julia back to the states asap. I get to shower today! Maybe since my ice is about gone I can unwrap it and see how it looks. CLN

Christmas Eve Brrrrrr!!!!!!!!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Over night we got more snow and blowing and way, way cold.  It was -2 when I got up but the sun was high and bright.  I had to make a trek across town to take Meghan a few things she needed for the day and the roads were still snow packed.  Traffic wasn’t too terrible at 8am.  There were plenty of platform wrecker trucks picking up the overnight carnage.  What I don’t understand is why in broad day light would people still be crashing?!  I saw 2 more vehicles in the ditch, in one car spin-outs. 

The day’s accomplishments were quite good for a semi-holiday.  I snow blowed (blew? weird verbiage) the driveway and sidewalk, got the laundry done, got the Costco shopping finished, wrapped presents, made my house one more step closer to Algore standards by installing compact florescent lights in my bedroom, the family room and the basement, finished organizing my bookshelves, wrote the Christmas Email, showered, went to church, assembled dinner, made my traditional cinnabon dough, had a glass of egg nog and actually spent exactly 30 minutes on the couch.

Elizabeth declared tonight that Egg Nog does not make her want to puke when topped with nutmeg.  Maybe she will be the chef in the family.

Well, Merry Christmas everyone.  Thank you Pastor Bill for reminding us that true Joy, came in the form of a baby and died for our sins so we could have joy eternally.  Amen and Amen!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Clean Trucks and God's 4x4

It is 26 degrees, snowing and blowing out. Has been since last night. I naively thought that my truck would make the trip to Illinois as a clean truck. NOT a chance. I began to think, after seeing a shiny beautiful firetruck on my way to PT this morning, “Why is it that I have never seen a dirty firetruck?” Sure, I’ve seen them with icicles falling everywhere when working in subfreezing weather, but never have I actually seen mud, muck, road glop, or those huge charcoal colored meteorite looking hunks of ice behind the tires that leave floods on the garage floor. I wonder if they replace the wiper blades after every use? Are the trucks anti-ionically charged to repel all that fun glop? Tell us fire persons! We want to put car washes out of business!

God’s 4x4: A pastor friend of mine and I were talking a few months back on how I move forward in light of the current turmoil which I am in and the Douglas County Courts wants to be sure I endure for as long as possible. He described life as an 8 lane road God gave me. I could drive in any of those 8 lanes. It isn’t always going to be easy driving, with no obstacles, potholes, slow drivers in the wrong lane etc. The key though is to keep looking forward. Looking in the rearview mirror keeps one always questioning the past. Keeping it also ever present in our minds, something to fret over forever. Did that cop back there catch me on radar or not- I know I was breaking the law but is HE going to catch me. Or, ”Oh, that was such a bad accident, I can hardly stand to look, but I keep it in sight as long as possible.” Interesting isn’t it? Well, when it started snowing here yesterday I commented that my 8 lane road was snow covered and hardly navigable. ie. Moving forward is a cautious, deliberant act of conscious decision, careful navigation and occasionally the need to pull over and re-group. A friend of mine commented on this facebook entry and said God is my 4x4 and will never steer me wrong. Amen.

I heard on klove this morning that the symbol for Jesus CHrist Died and Risen and our rebirth in Him when we become Belivers related to the egg. The egg is the new beginning. Now it makes sense! What of the Easter Buny though? I should Google that and see what comes up.

I am praying that Mr. Nelson and Ms. Sellers will be drawn back to the Lord this weekend and stop the sinning, the lying, the pain.

My knee is pretty sore. I’v tried walking on it. Walking is not too bad, because of the pain meds. Bending a bit to keep the joint loose though produced a squishing sound in it. Fluid, blood, irrigation. Now it really hurts. But, I think it’s time for pain meds- oh no 5 am! Not 4 sm! ☹ Half an hour to go.

Maybe I could sleep some more. I’ve piked up the house, icing my knee again.

He had suddenly drawn up a wall between them. No longer what he taken his arms. No longer would he come to her home. A wall was there, a wall so impenetrable it could not be bulldozed down.

The pain was enormous. He fell she had failed him. She hadn't meant to...but when it as bad as she thought it was. Was it as bad as he thought it was? Was it an incurable failure? One that would cripple him and their relationship forever?

The pain was excruciating She would not get another chance. The thought devastated her. She began to relive her past, analyzing what she could have done differently. Her despair increased. She could not undo the past. She had wanted nothing more than to hear her lord say, "well done my good and faithful servant."

Her pain reminded her of how she had heard heart attacks described -- dull, heavy never ceasing. She felt as if she had a boulder on her chest. Her heart had been raped, deprived of his love. The pain immobilized her...until She ran in prayer to her Father God her Jehovah-rapha.

Then God reminded her that he understood. He understood the desire for intimacy with him.

And then, in answer to her anguish, that still, small voice came into her mind, " I know I did not fail, and I know that you were not perfect. But remember, I am greater than your failures. I am God, and I have promised you that all things will work together for good.

"He is mine, and I will use it all to conform him into the image of my son. Now what are my promises? Believe them. Live by them. Do what I have taught you to do. Regardless of how he responds believe and obey me you cannot redeem the test. I can. Walk in faith. Either my word is true or is it. And you know it is truth."

She knew that what had been in her heart was in accord with the word of God and the character of God. The wrestling was over. Faith pinned her to the mat.

Although her situation didn't change for a long, long, time, she was no longer incapacitated by her sorrow. She found her refuge, her Gilead, and then she dwells by faith.

Adapted from Kay Arthur’s Lord, Heal My Hurts. Chapter 4, Day 1